yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My breasts were aching with rage.
third nipple confirmed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
