I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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