Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
