so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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