so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
