I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
