Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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