So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
