Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize