Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
