I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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