Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
