I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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