Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize