WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
