She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
