Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
