his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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