Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
