Moan for me like Helen Keller
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
