So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
