If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
