When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize