I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
