If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
