eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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