just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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