Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize