i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize