I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
