Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
