I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
