I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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