You just made me feel so damn special
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
