I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Boobs speak an international language.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
