Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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