Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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