NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
