All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
