I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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