sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
