So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
