So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
