your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
