You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize