Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
