ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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