put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
