There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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