You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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