I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
