i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
