Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
