she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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