We named our party play list daddy issues
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
