I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
