His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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