I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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