Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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