He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
