Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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