And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
