we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
