So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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