I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
