Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
