I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
