p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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