Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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